Fast Times at L&I

Despite the fact that I'm going to be waking up at 5am every day pretty soon, when my alarm went off at 6:51am yesterday morning, it felt awfully early. I dragged myself out of bed and was dragging myself into L&I around 8am. I had to go to L&I to get a business license and appeal my zoning rejection.

Step 1: Get a license to do business in the city of Philadelphia. In order to get a Business Privilege License, first you need to get a city tax number, which is procured in the tax section of L&I. I was treated to the experience of waiting in a seat so that I could wait on a line so I could get a number so I could wait in a seat again until some city employee was able to help me. Wasn't too bad, maybe 30 minutes of waiting, all told. Actually, now that I think about it, that might be a new record for efficiency for my friends at L&I. I should send them some chocolates.

Once my number lit up, I was escorted into the bowels of L&I where I met with a dude that works for the city who entered a bunch of information into a computer and generated a tax number for me.

So next I had to go to get another number and wait in a different area for someone to actually issue me the license. Fifteen minutes and $250 later, I am officially licensed to do business in Philadelphia, and more importantly, the city is ready to start carving taxes out of my hide.

Step 2: Appeal my zoning variance rejection: $200 later, I have six-eight weeks until my hearing. Um, can't they see me next week? Or maybe the weekend after? What the hell, are things so busy they can't squeeze me in? I did learn that for the low low price of 500 bucks I can be guaranteed that my hearing will be in 4-6 weeks. Fuck. So what can I do in the space between now and then? Um, I'm not sure.

So I dropped $450 today on the right to be taxed and the right to (someday) appear before the zoning board to request that they overrule my rejected variance. Which is sort of going to be a foregone conclusion, since I have neighborhood approval. Sigh.

In other news, my financial situation is tenuous and almost all of my startup capital is kind of up in the air at the moment. Good times. Good times indeed.

Sign this!

It appears as though I'll be signing a lease in the next 48 hours...
At which point, it'sa gonna be go time.

Adventures in Zoning, Part I

Just about everyone agrees that doing business in the city of Philadelphia is terrible, and the zoning process is just one reason in a lengthy laundry list that this reputation is pretty much deserved.

I'm fortunate, to a certain extent, that the space that I am intending to lease is zoned commercial. But it's not quite so simple. There are at least five zoning classifications in Philadelphia, and unfortunately, the zoning at 2001 Fitzwater, though commercial, isn't the right kind of commercial zoning for a cafe. So. What do you think you gotta do to change the zoning? It would seem reasonable that if the zoning isn't appropriate for a business a person wants to start, then there is someway to modify the zoning such that a business can open and commerce can thrive. Not exactly.

Turns out that the zoning is what the zoning is and it will continue to be the zoning until we're all dead (Nb: There are currently plans to have a committee rewrite the city's archaic zoning code and rezone the entire city so that the zoning makes fucking sense. We'll see if this project is ever completed. Or started, for that matter). Since I can't change the zoning, I need to get a variance to allow a different use than is allowed under the current zoning. And here's the ridiculous process.

1) Go to L & I and apply for a permit to use the space in a way that it's not zoned for. Meet with a zoning examiner, explain your plan, and have him tell you it's not allowed. Pay $100. When you pay this hundred bucks, you know that you're going to get rejected. But you need to get rejected to move on to step two. Wait a week until you get a letter from the examiner, explaining what you already knew, that the zoning doesn't allow the use you desire. Stab self in retina.

2) Bring refusal letter from L & I to the local neighborhood association and get yourself on the agenda for the next neighborhood zoning meeting. Go to the meeting, meet the neighbors, assure them that you're not going to ruin their neighborhood, and get approval from them (or don't, but if you don't get their endorsement, you're pretty much fucked.).

Incidentally, I've heard from a number of sources that the SOSNA zoning meetings can be bloodbaths and screaming matches. I was on the agenda tonight. I spoke to around 40 people and the response was fairly positive. I answered a few questions, only a few of which were somewhat ridiculous, and I'm pretty sure I got approved. Great success.

3) Go back to L & I and file for an appeal hearing with the Zoning Board of Adjustments. Pay $250. Hang posters in the windows for 12 days. Appear before the zoning board and present to them, making sure your attorney is present, though he probably won't say much of anything. You're paying your attorney by the hour, by the way.

Step three is happening in about two weeks.
In the meantime, I've got a lease to sign and a fuckton of money to raise. Wanna lend me some cash?

More updates to come...

What the hell am I doing?

I'm opening a cafe at 2001 Fitzwater Street in Philadelphia.

And this is my story.